chaosKIDS
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HELLO! ANYONE HOME?

Surefire ways to know when your teacher has gone over the edge.

  1. They've fallen and they can't get up.

  2. He's on his knees inhaling chalk dust.

  3. She's got little gold stars all over her body.

  4. He drools and keeps repeating "Igneous, Metamorphic, and sedimentary".

  5. Even the fireman can't convince her there's a real fire.

  6. She holds up a text book and starts turning it around and going "Vroom Vroom!!!" (contributed by Anne R.)

  7. She runs around the room with her arms out making airplane sounds.
    (contributed by Anne R.)

  8. She teaches you something you remember. (contributed by Anne R.)

  9. She sticks her tongue out and drools when the Principal enters.
    (contributed by Anna)

  10. When even she admits you'll never use what she just taught you.
    (contributed by Chrissy W.)

  11. She eats her handbook and starts screaming, "Feed me your books!!!".
    (contributed by DRDOOM.)

  12. She walks on the school stage and screams, "I have to do number 2".
    (contributed by DRDOOM.)

  13. When they do something nice and give you no homework.
    (Contributed by Paul M.)

  14. She skips math class for recess for the rest of the day.
    (Contributed by alien).

  15. She writes "The end is nigh" on a large piece of cardboard, and marches around the school proclaiming that the world will end next week. When the nice people from the asylum come, she profusely berates them with the fact that she is the prophet of Ned and should be treated to a green straitjacket, not a boring white one.
    (Contributed by Drow).

  16. She comes to school every day with a can of Spam and informs every one that it is the creator of all and it must be worshiped and then forces all non-believers to write an 8-page report on the evolution of tube socks.
    (Contributed by Ava.)

  17. When he/she staples herself to the bulletin board among the A+ papers.
    (Contributed by Denise D.)

  18. When she starts to write with her toes.
    (Contributed by Denise D.)

  19. When she says it's time for lunch and she eats her "Super Star" Stickers.
    (Contributed by Denise D.)

  20. When your teacher repeats stuff from "All That" such as "Doggies say woof,woof. Kitties say mee-ow." I say "Get off my lawn or I'm calling the cops."
    (Contributed by Tara.)

  21. When his sideburns turn green from the way he wipes his nose.
    (Contributed by Marcy K.)

  22. When he starts complaining about the rainy weather on the last day of May and won't agree that the problem is really only the showers of saliva that rain in all directions from his mouth while giving his history lesson.
    (Contributed by Marcy K.)

  23. When she smiles.
    (Contributed by Jennifer.)

  24. She wants everybody to bring in their favorite stuffed animals, so you can reenact Romeo and Juliet ...
    (Contributed by Sally.)

  25. She brings "Species" to class to learn about reptilian creatures.
    She also could take you out to the movies to see "The Relic."
    (Contributed by alien).

  26. When she screams, "2+2=67! 2+2=67! What does Albert Einstein know?! He didn't do well in math class!" in the middle of a math lesson.
    (Contributed by alien).

  27. You and your friend sneak-hear a teacher conference, and the Principal says,"Mrs.Moore where are the history papers that you were supposed to grade last night? Those count as all of their written language grade, social studies grade, and history grade in their report card." And your teacher replies," Um...My dog ate 'em! Yeah! That's it! My dog ate 'em!" The principal says, "Mrs. Moore, you're allergic to all animals and you're even afraid of dogs." Then your teacher says,"Oh, yeah. I forgot. Well, then, my 3 year old son ate 'em." The principal replies,"Mrs. Moore, you don't have any kids. You're not even married!" The list goes on and on...(NOTE: My teacher's name is Mrs. Moore.)
    (Contributed by alien).

  28. When he/she skips around the room screaming "I'm a Leprechaun, I'm a Leprechaun!!!!"
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  29. When he/she starts talking backwards.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  30. When when you and your class walk through the door, she runs into the corner and screams "Stay away, I've got rabies."
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  31. When when you and your class walk through the door he/she shrivels up and dies.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  32. When when anyone asks her a question, she jumps out the window.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  33. When anyone asks her a question, she replies, "ohhh the purty colors."
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  34. When in the middle of the class, she jumps up onto your desk and does the can-can.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  35. When she suddenly stands up and announces "Snap, crackle, POP!!" and walks out the door.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  36. When she can't find her knees.
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  37. When your teacher brings gum to school and chews it in the library.
    (Contributed by Jo F.)

  38. When she has squished the stress ball on her desk into a solid brick.
    (Contributed by Topher.)

  39. If they start acting like a student!
    (Contributed by Brandi.)

  40. When one of two things happens. Either she pops an Alka-Seltzer into her mouth and starts running around the room acting like a rabid dog, or a student gets an answer wrong and the teacher cusses her out.
    (Contributed by JDooty.)

  41. When you bounce a quarter off his butt and he doesn't notice.
    (Contributed by Rachel.)

  42. When your teacher calls you Carla and your name is Rachel and you tell her and she says, "I know."
    (Contributed by Rachel.)

  43. When your teacher forgets she has students in the class and picks his or her wedgie.
    (Contributed by Rachel.)

  44. When the homework for the night is, "Read pages 143-110 and tell your wife you love her and tell your boss not to fire you and tell your kids to stop EATING YOUR PAPERWORK..."
    (Contributed by Rachel.)

  45. When she armpit farts the Pledge of Allegiance.
    (Contributed by alien.)

  46. When she tries to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
    (Contributed by David C.)

  47. When she tries to drown a fish.
    (Contributed by David C.)

  48. When she puts a quarter in a parking meter and waits an hour for a gumball to come out.
    (Contributed by David C.)

  49. When you are sitting down and reading (doing anything quiet) and she yells at the top of her lungs, "GABI!! SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!!!"
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  50. When your teacher is a she, but often visits the men's room.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  51. When s/he has about 20 bottles of aspirin (and other painkillers) on their desk . . . and downs then about 7 times a day . . .
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  52. When she makes various pet names for kids in class... (example: Lance = Lancey Baby . . .)
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  53. When she won't punish you, but when another teacher does, she goes along with it.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  54. When after school she suggests that two of the students' grandmothers ran away together and got married.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  55. When she pronounces obvious words incorrectly (ex. counterfeit as confederate) and won't believe you even if you correct her.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  56. When she frequently talks about inviting students to her apartment.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  57. When she says she is taking the class on a walk, so she just takes them, without getting permission from parents/ principal.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  58. When your history teacher enjoys showing you videos about naked cave men and people in drag, then insists it is educational.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  59. If your teacher likes standing on tables and dancing with female students (for no reason).
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  60. If your teacher changes dates that major projects are due, then swears that it was that date all along.
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  61. When the teacher eats the food from the cafeteria in large quantities. (ALL of this was true . . . most from our sixth grade year. Education can be scary!!)
    (Contributed by Moosh & Gabi.)

  62. You start noticing that your teacher seems more happy than normal, when she whips out a chainsaw and rips out your friend's head and.........(fill in the blank).
    (Contributed by Ryan.)

  63. When it appears that she's written on herself with chalk, either to spite the class or make a bimbo of herself.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  64. When she prances around like a fairy with her slip showing and then it falls and she doesn't even notice.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  65. When she suggests that you chart your periods so you know you don't have a bun in the oven.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  66. When it's your birthday and she spanks you on the butt for how many years old you are.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  67. When your dean of students talks like a phone sex operator.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  68. When the nun falls asleep with her finger up her nose and wakes up talking about her grandsons.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  69. When your teacher talks all class long about her rich sons and how great they are and her house on the freaking Brandwine river with her old crusty fat husband.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  70. When your teacher denies wearing a hairpiece.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  71. When she leaves her chin hairs growing for years and not plucking them when she talks to you right in your face.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  72. When she tells you to open your textbooks and inconspicuously scratches her vaganda area.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  73. When your teacher's assistant calls you "Jo Slut" for the hell of it.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  74. When your teacher stops in the middle of class and runs to the principal's office and has a nervous breakdown because she can't control the class and is admitted to an asylum for three months.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  75. When your teacher gives you extra credit points for skinning and decapitating the frog you were supposed to dissect in biology class.
    (Contributed by Rachel, Heidi, and Josette.)

  76. She insists that she's "Captain Vegetable". She then starts singing "It is I, Captain Vegetable, with my carrot, and my celery! Eating healthy things, is good for me, and it's good for you, so eat them too! They'll keep you strong your whole life long so eat them carrots by the bunch. THREE CHEERS FOR ME CAPTAIN VEGETABLE! CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH!" Then she "flies" out the window..... ouch!!
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  77. She insists on everyone calling her "The Great Mistress Cornholio".
    (Contributed by Natalie L.)

  78. If your teacher is acually NICE, they have to be crazy.
    (Contributed by Alberto S.)

  79. Your teacher starts hitting on you, your boyfriend, family members, or your best friend.
    (Contributed by Lisa H.)

  80. When he/she runs into the restroom screaming, "Lock me in! lock me in!", I'll lock myself in!!!
    (Contributed by Karen B.)

  81. When she has cigarettes up her nose and she puts 50 pills into a bottle of 151 proof vodka and swigs the whole thing down all at once. mmmmm.
    (Contributed by emily.)

  82. When she gives you a 15 minute lecture on talking.
    (Contributed by Ray Bay.)

  83. When a month into the year, she walks up to a kid she's had in class for the past two years, and asks "Are you new?"
    (Contributed by Lauren and Kristin.)

  84. When your teacher starts screaming,"The marshmallows are in attack, run for your lives!!"
    (Contributed by Rachel G..)

  85. When she puts her hair up in pigtails, starts wearing short dresses and going out with the boy's gym teacher.
    (Contributed by Star.)

  86. When your music teacher stars yelling "Ya da da da ya da da" and waves her arms wildly while she's conducting her class.
    (Contributed by Star.)

  87. When your vocal music teacher starts wearing tank tops because if she doesn't she has sweat spots on her shirt under her arms.
    (Contributed by Star.)

  88. When your French teacher wears a pink and white checked matching outfit and purple nailpolish.
    (Contributed by Star.)

  89. When your French teacher dyes her grey hair blonde and wears gold shoes.
    PS - all of the above stories are true - I live in Toronto.
    (Contributed by Star.)

  90. When your teacher cries and tells you that one day all the animals will become extinct and that we must combine efforts to help them before it is too late. (This is true, it happened to my science class.)
    (Contributed by C. C.)

You might consider posting this in the bathroom or wherever it is
that you guys do your reading.

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